Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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