I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
