Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
