You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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