The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
