check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
