Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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