Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
