You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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