I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
