btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
