You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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