i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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