I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize