how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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