I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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