I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
zippers are such a cool invention
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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