Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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