are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
