K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
