and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
