I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
