My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
