Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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