so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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