Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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