Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
