My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
