sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
