I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
