Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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