i barfeds in our rink
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
