I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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