I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
