I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need to calm my uterus...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
