you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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