The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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