Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
