I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
