he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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