I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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