well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
