I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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