Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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