Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
