Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
