It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
