Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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