so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my poor anus
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
