before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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