Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
