Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
