weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
