Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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