just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
