dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
