Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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