y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
