I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
