yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My first STD was from a foam party
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
