Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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