So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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