I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Houston, we have a blender
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
