OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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