Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
