Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
