i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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